1992 Hitting a Deer While Driving My Car, A True Story 

    About fifteen years ago I was coming back from Chicago at about two a.m.   Three deer jumped right out in front of me.  I swerved to go between the last two, and there was room, but the last deer was moving a little faster than the other two and closed the gap.  I hit him and he never knew what happened.  It totally smashed my right front fender and pushed it into the tire making it impossible to drive.  I got out and looked at the deer and petted him for a while, because I too was hurt from hitting him.  There was nothing that I could do. 
I think that I told this story to you a long time ago. Just two weeks before I completely repainted the car.  It looked real nice and I put a lot of work into it.  Now the front fender was just destroyed and the bumper and headlight were all bent.  It just happened that I had a junk car, just like this one sitting on the property.  So, being a super fix it man I took the fender off.  It turned out that the bolts were all rusted and broke as tried to turn them.  I was able to get the front, damaged, part of the fender loose, but getting the rest loose and being able to drill out the rusted bolts was a big problem.  So I was super smart and took a torch and cut a straight line down the fender removing the damaged area.
Next, I had to go through the whole process on the other cars fender, measuring exactly where I cut the fender on the damaged car.  Wow, I was amazed that the whole thing fit perfectly.  I drilled out the bolts and put the new, front part, of the fender on and had to weld the line where I cut it.  Well, again I was surprised on how good I could weld with as little experience that I had at welding.  The very last part of the weld was done, but the smoke didn't stop coming out from under the fender.  In fact, the smoke got a lot worse and then I saw flames.  I caught the car on fire because the inner fender was made out of plastic.  Well, I'm super well educated and always kept a bucket of water near where I was welding.  So I threw the bucket of water on the fire and mostly missed.  The fire was partially out, but it was not out and was again getting worse.  Where was the hose, I thought.  It was disconnected and almost a hundred feet from where I was.  By the time I hooked it up, unwound it and got it to the car, it would be just too late.
I looked back and forth for other options and there was none.  Suddenly I realized that I just drank a 32oz Pepsi and I did indeed have a hose very close at hand.  Luckily I was able to play fireman and get the fire out.  Thank God for being male. 
But the story doesn't end there.  I had to jack up the car and take the wheels off to repair the bumper and other damage.  I did all of that and, other than the different paint colors, it looked pretty good.  All I really takes is a big enough of a hammer and some body putty.
When I was all done, the car was remarkably in good shape.  So I started to lower the jack, and being on a brick driveway which was covering saturated ground, the jack suddenly fell over on it's side under the car.  I didn't have another jack of any kind that would work to get the car back up so I could pull the floor jack out.  So, again I'm a super genius.  It just so happened that we had an Allis Chalmers farm tractor with a bucket loader on it.  So I started up the tractor and put the bucket under the axle and it picked up the car perfectly, with no problem. 
I pulled out the jack and felt relief about being such a genius and solving the problem so quickly.  As I let the car back down on the up righted jack, the axle slipped off of the bucket and the car again fell to the ground, but now the bucket was in the wheel well where the tire should have been and now the left fender was totally ripped off of the car.  It was a real mess.  But, of course, I had another fender and had to repeat the whole process.  Now my two week old paint job was a two day old junk job. 
Now, don't take your car to the repair man.  Just let me come over and fix the whole thing for you, I do such good work.  Ha. Ha.
But the story really wasn't over.  I had to weld the car again, and I was real careful, but not careful enough.  The whole sequence happened again as I again caught the car on fire and my bucket wasn't aimed good enough to put the fire out.  Thank God for Hardees' 32oz Pepsi's. 
After I finally got the whole car fixed and more paint word completed, I drove the car and when I hit the brakes it would pull to the right.  When I gave it the gas it would pull to the left.  What the heck was wrong now, is what was going through my brain.  Again jacking up the car I found that the frame was cracked and it was so rusted that every time I tried to weld the crack, it would do not stick but melt holes on the very thin rusted frame.  This property is pretty big and I have a lot of lawnmower parts around.  So the car finally had a lawnmower blade welded to the frame keeping it together. 
Do you know what happened to the car about a year later?  I only paid a hundred dollars for the car and it ran super good.  But it was twenty years old and really rusted out in this snow/salted road environment.  I finally welded so many lawnmower blades on it, that there was nothing else to weld to.  The frame kept cracking and I kept welding.  So it ended up in the junk yard with double the weight of steel on it from the excess blades.  I know the people at the junk yard and even to this day they get a laugh out of it.